What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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