Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
