youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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