Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Life is so much better after having sex.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
