It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
