You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
