We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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