Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
They took my balls.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
