i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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