Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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