so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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