Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
