Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize