Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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