Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
