I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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