I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
