after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
