I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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