dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
