You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just high enough for therapy.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
