I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
