and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
