it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
