I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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