This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
she told me i tasted like america
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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