I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
