He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
