Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
