I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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