Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
