I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
