I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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