Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
