apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
