It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
