I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
