She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
