well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
