Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
