jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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