Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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