i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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