If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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