We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She tied me up with her honor cords...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
