DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
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Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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