Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
