I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
