it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
