we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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