Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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