He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
