the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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