There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
