Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Is it because I queefed?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
