He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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