Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
