When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
