I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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