Non-Jews are for practice
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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