Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
