I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
