I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize