I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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