Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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