i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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