I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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