The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
