what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
