I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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