And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
