do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
