70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize