oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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