no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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