Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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