this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
