I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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