I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
